I am more

(because of You) I am more

more than a circumstance I cannot control

more than an ox with a burden

more than a series of catalogued mistakes

more than an broken soul crying out

I am more than

‘just’ a woman in a pair of high heels
more than ‘just’ a mom, exhausted and fulfilled
more than a set of morals & pleasantries

more than an embarrassed, clumsy, graceless, loud & unruly child

Because of You

I am peaceful

I am weightless

I am forgiven

I am redeemed

I am unconditionally loved

I am understood

I am KNOWN

I am embraced

Ashley Jackson 2011

grass stains on a party dress

so, as much as i'd like to go to sleep, there is a concept that came to a giant mountain in my head as i lay in bed reading a chapter in Makoto Fujimura's book refractions, a journey of faith, art & culture. when he spoke about his largest installation "Golden Pine" commissioned by the Oxford House in Hong Kong, there was mention to his massive painting weathering, settling, and intentionally allowing the silver to tarnish over time.

this then reminded me of my art- while i have never applied gold leaf or intricate brush strokes to many of my paintings (think brash, bold moves and splatters of paint) I wouldn't mind it. but then again, my environment isn't conducive to "fine art"- my studio is primitive, cold and doesn't support museum like archival temperaments. so does this exclude me from the more sophisticated category and place me into a more volatile arts category, like that of Andy Goldsworthy, who uses mother nature at the canvas, medium and backdrop and is okay with the transformation and morphing of his creation- which inevitably dissolves in a hazy mist of ocean fog, a rushing tide, blowing wind or trampled by animal's hooves.

so, i got a new blouse at Nordstrom today (stay with me here). i've had a gift card from there for ages, so with a few events on the horizon, i felt like i had a (bit) of a handle on some vague fashion trends at the moment. (apparently bows, pleated skirts, and over sized shirts are in) i ended up having to return one shirt because it snagged easily. then i got home with blouse #2 and realize it scoots off the shoulders. intentionally, i am sure from the designer's perspective, but annoying to me. call me a boring mom, but i need my clothes to have function as much as fashion (ok, more function than fashion, actually) so how much does one put up with for the sake of beauty, aesthetics, etc.?

how much can we step outside the box we've been put in (age, demographic, society, environment, stage, maturity, etc) and find a tone that inspires others but also resonates within their core. i love some of the new sitcoms because while i don't work on a TV set (See: Up All Night & 30 Rock) i still find the comical leveling that reminds us how human we are that we get baby spit up on us and eat cheese puffs in our sweats on friday nights when it seems like everyone else is out partying it up. how much can i play joanna newsom to my friends without them covering their ears and still be normal enough to sit down to a game of mexican dominoes? how much can we share the Gospel in the world and understand the pain without indulging in the same vices?

these are just late night ponderings as i get ready to start a new painting and finding out just how eccentric i can be while still reaching the masses. do we just take out our good china (if i had it) and use it in picnics, wear tuxedos no matter the discomfort and perform to an audience that isn't there?

Visiting Art Dealers - Awesome video clips here

ride my bicycle

fall sun streaming in

Ready Made

one of my vices is magazines. i feel like i can never have enough. i use them up, read them, cut them, file them... i pulled out a Sunset magazine the other day that was from Summer '04 and found a wonderful salmon recipe. when i was at the grocery store the other day, i walked down the long magazine isle and my eye browsed over all of the topics that i gravitate towards: crafts, gardening, fashion, organic living, cooking, chickens (yes, there are a few chicken publications that you can subscribe to via "Hobby Farms"), etc. i thought to myself, "i wish there was a cool version of Martha Stewart and Sunset combined..." maybe i should clarify to all you Martha & Sunset fans- i think those are actually cool, but some of the ideas, lets admit are for a little more 'well to do' or with much more time on their hands- say retirees. (Sunset, i don't necessarily need ideas for the chicest B&B to stay in Napa, or do i actually want to collect pricey china from around the world, Martha) SO! just as i was thinking this to myself, i came across Ready Made: "Instructions for Everyday Life". it was pretty on the cover with a picture of a Strawberry Rhubarb Ricotta Tart on a cute little antique dish.

here were some of the other topics they cover:

• interior design
• home design
• art
• food
• diy
• bedroom ideas
• home and garden
• lighting
• home organization
• sewing
• crafts
• hobbies

 basically everything i love! Kendall and Brittany, this seems like you, too... ;)

Shu Umera cleansing oil

i know cleansing and oil sound like paradoxical beauty regime words, but trust me- don't knock it till you've tried it. working at nordstrom a few years ago led me to a stockpile of testers and samples, that admittedly, still clink around the bathroom drawers. "what is this?" i grabbed a mini bottle of this shu umera "wonder liquid" not knowing what to expect and used a little facial pad with a dab of this oil, and "whamo!" stuff came off onto the pad i didn't even know was there. (this is a good thing, although, hard to admit to the general public) even with a (seemingly!) clean face, i was still able to remove something... leaving me to wonder what was being left all those times i thought i was cleaning my face at bedtime.
i want to now get a full size of this stuff- esp. in this dry season, where this cleansing oil seems to be the only thing that wisks away makeup and gunk, but doesn't leave me parched.
have you ever tried it? go here for more info

by the way, the high performance balancing cleansing oil was the one i used for my normal/dry skin