This ain't no drive-thru religion

Feast: A four-course succulent meal. Complete with: a fork(salad and dinner), spoon, knife, napkin, bread plate, water glass, wine glass, dinner plate and of course- an appetite. 

Snack: A nibble here or there of granola bar, bites of this or that, enough to eat and run.

Dear Jesus,
Do I feast on you like a satisfying meal giving me strength and satiety?
or
Do I take nibbles of your Word, sips of prayer and crumbs of attentiveness to your Spirit? 

If I were to encounter You lakeside on a beautiful sunny day like today, would my attention to you be divided and distracted? Could you count on me to pour liquid gold (my time and adoration) at your feet and not be worried over treasure lost?

ok, ok. maybe for a day or two i would rise early, stay in the hot sun, hang on your words and fall in love with you. 

but love can fade if not tended on a normal basis. i don't mean a familial kind of love where once you are blood when you always "love" someone no matter the distance or detachment. i mean the verb love. the one that is active and alive.

i would (as i now do) fall into the reliability and predictability of life. the day-to-day grind. my feet would dance in the same two-step pattern they had taken the previous 24 hours.

The answers hurt because the truth of the matter is that my months, days, and hours are spent scurrying to and fro. Not staying, not lingering. But instead, nibbling your Gospel as if peanuts can fill this ravenous whole of myself. Your love, your sacrifice is food to be devoured like a burger to a starving beggar. Because, after all, that is what I am.

"Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." John 6:54

But we have hope.

But we have hope.

All throughout God’s Word, we hear the resonant sound of hope being rung. Overall, this Hope that much of the New Testament (namely Paul’s writings) refers to is something that we will see not here on Earth, but once we are resurrected with Christ. 

“the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel” –Col1:5

But I am reminded that just as we wait expectantly, this hope is doing something beneficial in us as we wait for the Gospel to be fully realized in us. 

Just as I await the return of my husband to our home after a two and a half year absence, I know that even in the midst of this painful waiting process, God is doing a good work. So often I want to yell: “But what about in the meantime?! (July-October!)” (Take heart, Ashley) Alas, Christ is working in both my heart and my husband’s. May I wait like a bride for her husband in both aspects. Knowing that the one will only be a foretaste to actually seeing my God on That Day.

So I will not lose heart or hope in the waiting game, knowing that this “limbo” or “almost but not yet” is the anticipation to a much sweeter future than I could never imagine.

“In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace. “ -Col1:6

mamma said there'd be days like these

have you ever watched someone else's kids and found yourself to be on your best behavior with them AND your own? suddenly you are creative, patient and even cut up carrot sticks just so. If not, this post might still make sense... even though i didn't tell the whole facebook world today what a good mom i am (just telling the whole blogosphere) i did have the urge to update my status during each bonding moment. because today it was if i had a supervisor or other little kids making sure i was on my best "mom game". i didn't have any visitors, but i totally brought it. (if i do say so myself)

pinterest "goo" recipe of cornstarch and dish soap! so great and a "clean" mess!

today i was the mom i always envisioned myself to be. life and sin gets in the way and usually i feel like i am carrying around a 100lb weight of guilt for all the "mommy things" i am not doing. well, someone should have been secretly video recording my day (and this day only) because I was all the things i hope to ever be to my little ones: patient, spontaneous, tickle-loving, hide-and-seek-playing, soccer ball kicking, devotional reading, cookie baking, craft making BOMB!

the reason i write all of this is not to show YOU or myself "see, was that so hard?" and feel the standard and pressure to live up to each day with my children to be super mom, but to remind myself that just like my bad days, i have good ones, too. Lord willing, these memories will outweigh the ones where i let them watch Curious George one too many times, give endless refills of goldfish, or I want to bake (or just simply do anything) alone.

today, God gave me a gift to be present with them and tend to their little hearts. tomorrow, i pray, i will have the same reserves and patience, but i am only human. thank you God, for loving me and speaking to my heart. (today's children's devo in Big Truths for Little Kids was on Samuel and the little boy who heard God's voice. )

P.S. the day still isn't over, so i am totally humble and praying that the other shoe could drop right in my face and all this mojo would be over. if that's the case, i will celebrate the little victories.

I am more

(because of You) I am more

more than a circumstance I cannot control

more than an ox with a burden

more than a series of catalogued mistakes

more than an broken soul crying out

I am more than

‘just’ a woman in a pair of high heels
more than ‘just’ a mom, exhausted and fulfilled
more than a set of morals & pleasantries

more than an embarrassed, clumsy, graceless, loud & unruly child

Because of You

I am peaceful

I am weightless

I am forgiven

I am redeemed

I am unconditionally loved

I am understood

I am KNOWN

I am embraced

Ashley Jackson 2011

inspiration songs

In the midst of trials, I thought that I'd share with you some of the music that has uplifted and encouraged my spirit in these recent days. Some have been shared with me by a dear friend, some I have loved in the past and take on a much richer and new meaning. Others I just recently discovered.

In no particular order:
Amazed...... Desperation Band (Kendall, this might be an awesome one to lead worship)
Highest Place.....Desperation Band
In Feast or Fallow..... Sandra McCracken
If You Want Me To..... Ginny Owens*
Be Thou My Vision..... Ginny Owens
Run In the Night..... Jars of Clay
Call My Name..... Jars of Clay (feat. Thad Cockrell & Audrey Assad)
In Christ Alone..... Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammitt
Hope Now..... Addison Road
Shadow of Your Wings..... Jason Upton & Goodland Band
Between the Graveyard & the Garden..... Jason Upton & Goodland Band
My Beloved.... Kari Jobe
Dancing In the Minefields..... Andrew Peterson
Psalm 13..... Shane & Shane
(Actually the whole album of Psalms by Shane & Shane- the psalms have been my words when my heart aches and I have not the strength to articulate pain or joy)

Bless you and may the Lord use these to bring you closer to Him.